Anchorage, AK — Local ophthalmologist Dr. Gerald LeDoinkerson, MD was overheard in a heated discussion with his longtime childhood friend Mike Rotchburns regarding his occupation as an ophthalmologist outside the Costco Wholesale in Anchorage, Alaska. Lactated Zingers Media was able to obtain Costco security footage and audio recordings from the heated conversation between the pair.

“Bro, I told you I don’t work here I’m just here to buy my Kirkland tube socks and a couple of glizzies. Can’t a man buy a glizzy in peace!?” Dr. LeDoinkerson said, immediately screaming out the gate.

“You told me one day I could get a free eye exam, and I’m not leaving until I get one!” retorted Mr. Rotchburns, an accountant originally from Yonkers, NY. “What’s the point in having a friend who spent 10 years of post-graduate training if they can’t give me contact lenses?” Rotchburns was at this point furiously ringing the countertop call bell in LeDoinkerson’s face.

“Mike, I don’t know how many times to explain to you: I am an eye SURGEON. I am not an optometrist. I do not work at Costco,” explained LeDoinkerson with his neck veins pulsating.

At this point, Mr. Rotchburns was thoroughly confused, citing that the sign at the Costco optical clearly advertised an “eye doctor” and stated the optician was wearing a long white coat, even longer than the one LeDoinkerson owned.

“The Costco doctor’s white coat is at least 6 inches longer than yours, Gerald. That’s massive! That’s called credentials, bro.” Forensic analysis of Costco security footage revealed the aforementioned white coat to only be 2 inches longer than LeDoinkerson’s, but wider in pocket girth.

The pair had to be separated by security; Mr. Rotchburn’s eventually was served by a local Costco optician who performed three laser eye surgeries after completing a weekend module on laser glaucoma surgery. The Alaskan Optometric Association is currently pushing for legislation to expand scope of practice laws for all Costco employees to perform laser eye surgery.

“I don’t know dude, I’m just here to put relish on the glizzies,” responded Chad Boofa, a 17 year old Costco Food Court employee and self-proclaimed Glizzy God, when asked whether he would feel comfortable performing laser eye surgery.

At press time, an anonymous source revealed Mr. Rotchburns was last seen in Dr. LeDoinkerson’s private practice waiting room with an ice bag over his eyes.